I hate these new fuckin' scooters from France
And the Suburbanites scooting around on them in khaki pants
I don't know what the hell about them holds so many entranced
I just know that I despised the damn things at first glance

I work at a company whose building was bought out about 6 months ago
It wasn't long before the new company's computer geeks began to show
Driving their RX-7s, Corvettes, and Suburbans ... 22 year old rich kids, faces all aglow
Then they pull out those stupid scooters to the accompaniment of my sigh of woe

They ride ten feet to the entrance of the building, and then stop
They bend over, pick them up, fold them down, and up the steps they hop
What the hell is wrong with this picture? As babies, how many times were they dropped?
I know it's a stupid pet peeve, but it really sets me off, I just want to stab and chop

Maybe it's because of how inane this particular fad hits me
Maybe it's because these are completely useless $150 pieces of machinery
Maybe it's the misuse of wealth that taunts me incessantly
But if I see one more stupid fuckin' scooter, somebody better try to stop me

-David "Dingo" Bleecher